Risk and Opportunity

I'm going to skip right over the 'sorry for never posting' bit and get to the point quickly this time. It's a simple message to the game development community, and I can sum it up in 3 little words: We're missing out.

Anyone could tell how I'm missing an opportunity. It's much bigger than the fact that I am not doing what I studied for a living. The fact is that at my core I am a game developer, and though I am one of you I am not among you. The only programming I can do is on my own in my short and scattered free time. Perhaps the worst of all is knowing that anything I create will probably only be experienced by a select few. Despite all of this I keep programming, but I would have to be insane to not aspire for more.

Now for the shot that you're missing out on. You're not only missing out on me, but plenty of others just like me. The fact is that we can contribute. We can we can inspire. We can each look at the same thing from a completely different perspective and use it to challenge those around us. We may not all revolutionize the gaming world, but we each could make a difference if given the chance.

Yet our applications get pushed to the bottom of the stack; our e-mails get categorized for auto-response rejections; or in all likelihood we are ignored and forgotten. Why? Because we haven't made a game you can buy at GameStop? Because we haven't used the $600 software that you're company uses? Because we don't know enough people who already work for you? I understand that these are reasons to make a safe choice, but by eliminating risk you effectively eliminate innovation itself. I'm not claiming that every company is so quick to disregard us, but I've seen it enough to know it's real, and as a community we cannot allow this to happen.

I realize that this must all sound like a sales pitch, and perhaps in truth; it is. In that vein it's important to acknowledge that its not me I'm pushing for. I'm asking that you give us a shot. Make a phone call, set up a web cam chat, even help us to meet you in person and shake your hand if you can. If you can give us one opportunity to demonstrate what we can do I guarantee we will surprise you.

Back on the Farm

A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of a faraway place.

A traveler on the plane sees the farmhouse below and dreams of home.

~Robert Brault

Within the past week or so, I don't think I've been able to hold on to any single perspective for longer than a few minutes. One moment I see how lucky I can be home again. Then I feel unfortunate that I have to be. I imagine myself an underachiever for not finding work, only to realize what an achievement it is that I haven't given up. An opportunity becomes a consolation prize and a mistake becomes a chance to grow. Yet with each perspective shift comes the knowledge that it could just as easily regress to as it was or change to something new.

I should be clear in that, I have no intention of giving up as a game developer. I'm still continuing on that path and I can't imagine ever leaving it. The trouble is that the path isn't quite as clear as it once was. Until now it was usually simple. Now I find myself wondering if taking a local job is being responsible or temporarily settling. Should I try to be content with this life or strive for one that might be better. Somehow I doubt there is a clear right or wrong answer here.

I still want to improve my programming skills. (Probably always will) The tools for XNA development are now at my disposal so I'm still considering making my game, but I question if it is the best use of my time. I'd need artwork from someone eventually but I could make a strong basis with stand in art. I guess the only way I'll get started is to set a deadline so if I don't have a programming job or a better plan to improve my skills by the end of the month then the game will be in production.

I took a programming test recently. Details aside I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I always seem to do worse at these tests than I would if given the same problem in a game development scenario. At any rate it showed me some ways I can improve my abilities and be more prepared for the future. Not quite sure how, but I'll get there someday.

To be a kid again.

Alright I was gone for a while that time, but I think I know why. I think I haven't done enough to make this personal to me. It showcases some of my work and links to profiles and my resume....which is great for a potential employer, but I have to think that some insight into who I am has to be at least as valuable. So I'm going to try to keep you posted on who I am as much as what I'm doing.

So during my absence there I had an interview with Open Path Products in Annapolis, MD. I won't say it went perfectly, but on the whole I thought it went well. It's been almost 2 weeks now and I haven't heard back. I may still be up for consideration but the job hunt continues regardless. Also I'm going to follow up with a phone call soon.

Alright now for the insight I mentioned earlier. Let me start by saying that I've never really stopped being a kid. I watch cartoons, I read mostly comic books, and I've spent way too much time this week shooting random objects in my room with a Nerf gun. Yet, as shocking as it may be, I'm an adult. I work, I pay bills, and when the time comes I know when to be serious and handle things rationally.

That's where the XKCD comic strip at the top of this post comes in. Granted it would be amazing to swim around my bedroom in playpen balls, but what I truly appreciate here is the line in the second panel. "We're grown-ups now, and it's our turn to decide what that means." It's one of the most brilliant things I've ever read, and yet it's ultimately very simple. If you can have the privileges of an adult and your childhood wonder then why should you have to choose between them. Sure, I've grown out of a few things, but I've realized that some things are worth sticking with. I'm not alone in this idea either. You almost have to be a kid to stay in this industry when so many in this world scoff at the idea of making games for a living.

I could probably continue on that thought for a while, but it would become drawn out and preachy, which is not my intention here. I'm just hoping to create a window into who I am. So maybe I'm an overgrown kid. Maybe I'm an adult who is perfectly content defining his own maturity. Maybe I'm another one of thousands who rambles about the same thing to just a couple of willing readers. View me however you please, but I am who I am; and I'm likely to stay that way for a while.

I kinda want to end on that note but I would be remiss if I didn't encourage everyone to experience Scott Pilgrim. Not just because it's not doing as well in the box office as it should be, and not just because the media of tomorrow is tied to the trends of today. The real reason is that the movie, books, and game are all a part of a fantastic adventure and it would be a shame for anyone who can appreciate a work of art to miss out on that experience.

"Almost Home"

I'm back in Florida for a while. I've got roughly a month to tie everything up before I close this chapter of my life for good. It also gives me some time to relax with any of my friends who are still down here. Picking up the job hunt with full force. I got a bit too relaxed while in Georgia, but it also helped to motivate me forward. Seeing my family and friends who have been so incredibly supportive this whole time is a reminder of how much I owe them.

I also noticed something interesting during my exciting 8 hour drives to GA and back. Near the end of both trips I found myself saying "almost home". The best part of that is that I wasn't wrong either time. My parents are divorced so even growing up I had multiple homes, but since they were all in north GA it never felt like a dramatic shift. It was interesting to come to the full realization that I had a home in what felt like two separate worlds.

So there is good news and bad news on the side project. The former being that I'm really starting to design what I want to come out of it. I'm still keeping it under wraps, but I'm sure that there is a fun experience in there. The problem is that I can already feel myself over scoping the game. Granted its a personal project so there is no real time constraint, but what I'm starting to imagine is still a bit more than 1 programmer should take on alone. For this project to be what it should be I'll need a good bit of sprite art, a solid and fitting music track or 2, and a good deal of time. Add particle effects, voice acting, and a couple of other things to that list for polish.

I know talented individuals who I am certain could fit the roles, but they each have their own lives, and I have little in the way of compensation. In truth this was intended an independent project so I hesitate to bring in any help. It's not that I'm too proud to accept help, and it's not that I want total control over the game. The reason I want to create this project own my own is so that I can know and show what I'm capable of on my own. The more assistance I receive, the less I feel the project reflects my abilities. Also I still need to determine what I will used to create the game. I've considered making it in flash or with Microsoft XNA, but each solution seems to have its own set backs.

I've gone on for a while with this post but I feel there is one more thing I should clarify. I want to work on a team. I want to be a part of a collaborative process that provides the public with what they most enjoy. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself, something bigger than any single individual. When that opportunity arises again I will take it without a second thought, but in the mean time I want to create something to reflect me. If the public can enjoy the experience then I've done my job.

Back to the Roots

Well I finally got a chance to come visit family and friends here in Georgia. It's only for a couple of weeks, but it's a refreshing change of pace. Even though I'm here to visit people I have to appreciate the chance to reconnect with nature. Now, I'm as big a fan of technology as anyone else, and I'm not exactly camping in the wilderness here, but there is something to be said for looking out the window and seeing trees that weren't planted there by the city. I can live just about anywhere, but this place will always feel like another home.

So I'm keeping up the job hunt just the same. It is a bit more difficult to work on side projects while here, but I'm taking this opportunity to really flush out the details of a game I have in mind. Right now it's a very rough concept, but if I can make it work I think it might be incredible. If things work out like I plan then I can hit the ground running when I get back to Florida and bury myself in some C++. You really can't afford to get rusty in this field.

Well I'm gonna have to wrap this up for now. I'll have more details on the project once I've ironed them out. Schematics in the works.

More to the point

I guess now is as good a time as any to explain the name I've chosen for my blog. If you already know me you might already get the play on words. For everyone else allow me to explain. I use the pseudonyms WrenchWarrior and WrenchNinja for gaming and personal account names. The initial reason I picked these names was that some of my favorite games featured a character using a wrench as a weapon. (Ratchet and Clank, Bioshock, Dark Cloud, Team Fortress 2) Even with an arsenal of weapons and gadgets at my disposal I still seemed to have the most fun taking enemies out with the swing of a wrench.

The reason the names stuck though is a bit more personal. In many ways I consider myself like a wrench. I know, I know, I just compared myself to a tool, but humor me for a bit. Now, a wrench can be used for plenty of things, including a makeshift weapon, but primarily its used to build and to break apart. As a programmer, or even just as a creator, I do just that. I build and I break apart.

The build comparison is obvious. I take an idea, find the necessary components, and assemble something for the world to use. The idea of breaking things apart, though, seems a bit more drastic for a code monkey. What I mean here is that if you want to understand or fix something, sometimes you have to break it down. Just like a mechanic would pull out pieces of a car engine to make the changes so the car can work. As a programmer I do that more often then you might think. Sometimes the best way to fix a problem is to break it apart. Then once you understand everything you replace a piece of code and reassemble it good as new.

Now that I've driven the simile that a programmer is like a wrench into the ground. I can readdress the title. By wrench in the works I mean that I, the wrench, am in development. Just like someone might say that a director has a new movie in the works; I'm still in progress. I mean that partially because I'm still working on getting a job as a game developer, and partially because I'm always in progress. As a programmer, even as a person, I'm learning and growing and improving. For that reason I will always consider myself 'in the works' until my last second on earth.

So there you have it. My little play on words. Fine, it's not the most clever name imaginable, but hopefully it helped me grant a little insight as to who I am. If nothing else it means something to me and even if I ever change the name; I will remember the original name and carry the idea with me.

Alright I've been on long enough. Despite the posts before this I still consider this to be my first real entry. I'm hoping to make this a weekly occurrence, but in the future I'll try to monitor the length. Until next time.

About Me (extended)

I started to write all of this in the about me box, but after seeing it trail on I decided to clip it down to the basics and transfer the whole thing to a blog post for anyone interested. So here is a bit more about me:

I'm a programmer and video game developer. I'm originally from north Georgia. I'm looking to be apart of a team who can create fun and engaging experiences like the ones I've enjoyed since I was a child. If given my pick I prefer to work as a gameplay programmer. It's hard to beat the feeling of building and tweaking the core mechanics of a game and ultimately providing enjoyment to the player. As long as I can be a part of a project that make a product to be proud of, then I'm in the right place. If you care to know more about me feel free to check the links under 'Profile Pages' for more insight or just send me an E-mail at RMattCrane@gmail.com.

So there should be plenty more to come. Stay tuned.