Back on the Farm

A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of a faraway place.

A traveler on the plane sees the farmhouse below and dreams of home.

~Robert Brault

Within the past week or so, I don't think I've been able to hold on to any single perspective for longer than a few minutes. One moment I see how lucky I can be home again. Then I feel unfortunate that I have to be. I imagine myself an underachiever for not finding work, only to realize what an achievement it is that I haven't given up. An opportunity becomes a consolation prize and a mistake becomes a chance to grow. Yet with each perspective shift comes the knowledge that it could just as easily regress to as it was or change to something new.

I should be clear in that, I have no intention of giving up as a game developer. I'm still continuing on that path and I can't imagine ever leaving it. The trouble is that the path isn't quite as clear as it once was. Until now it was usually simple. Now I find myself wondering if taking a local job is being responsible or temporarily settling. Should I try to be content with this life or strive for one that might be better. Somehow I doubt there is a clear right or wrong answer here.

I still want to improve my programming skills. (Probably always will) The tools for XNA development are now at my disposal so I'm still considering making my game, but I question if it is the best use of my time. I'd need artwork from someone eventually but I could make a strong basis with stand in art. I guess the only way I'll get started is to set a deadline so if I don't have a programming job or a better plan to improve my skills by the end of the month then the game will be in production.

I took a programming test recently. Details aside I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I always seem to do worse at these tests than I would if given the same problem in a game development scenario. At any rate it showed me some ways I can improve my abilities and be more prepared for the future. Not quite sure how, but I'll get there someday.